the GIRL : Inside Out

-to even think..

2009-10-16T17:54:00.000+08:00

...that we're reaching our 1 year ;)

Woman, I'm breaking my fast for the moment because I just miss our moments so much. And to think that we have reached that milestone of which we've NEVER dreamt of in ANY way possible; it's nothing short of God's work and His miracles... and of course, mucho mucho effort on our side as well to uh. Keep in touch?

(like we need "effort" to keep in touch, right ; since "fate" brought us together. AHAHAHA XP)

This is my post for you today, woman.

With all the stress I'm going through, I really have SO MUCH, so much to say to you.

Foremostly, our official "anniversary" would be ... well, I'm still waiting for you to "try" to open the stupid computer (ahehehe. Our chat caused everything to lag. nyahaha.) to find out when but I know it's in the month of November. Yes I know, it's like telling you today's Friday, right? :P

But ever since you came into my life, many'd changed. One of which I could never thank you enough for is the fact that you came into my life and KICKED my issues out the window. You made me to be a swan from someone who perceives herself as an ugly duckling. You made me grow in confidence I should have, and you constantly were on my side supporting me and knowing me inside out; more than anyone knows me.

From nonsensical crushes to bastard exes to useless crushes, "fate" really brought us together. I'd rephrase : God ordained this time for us.

I don't know how else to phrase the love I have for you; and even more so, the gratefulness that comes with knowing the fact that I have you by my side at all times. The gratefulness that the love you have for me goes beyond every thing in your life - well, not EVERYTHING everything, but you get the picture.

And because of what you can do for me and you always did for me; I always emerge a winner at the end of every ordeal that I go through. And that , woman; is my privilege to have you. To have you support me in every single way possible it makes me confident of what I have and not complain of what I don't; and you push me to pursue my dreams in everyway possible.

And now I'm pursuing our dreams : one of us will know Spanish inside out and uh.. be your translator, I guess :P

Unless you wanna go "Chicken?" on your guy next time, bring me along. You know? :P

You're nothing but beautiful, woman. The times when you spent with me, especially yesterday after going through all the hassle of not sleeping for 2 days; gosh I thank you so much for that sacrifice. As much as i wanted to tell you to NOT come purposely for me (of which I know will receive the "HAIYAH! Shut up lah woman! Smack your head!" .. ), I know you still would and woman, nobody really did all that for me.

I thank you, woman. For this one whole year of love, joy, and sharing we have.

Thank you for making me part of your life.

And I did tell you how much I don't like what we're going through now hence. We can let go.

You can let go.

Drop it (woman, let the weight fall on.. balls. If you know what I mean XP).

'cos if we DO believe in fate (which we do) , somehow it will kick him in the ass in the most painful way possible.

Karma, woman.

And thank you for bringing that to him.

;)

And seriously, while writing this anniversary post, I'm thinking of the times we spent just bitchin'.

And for those who don't know, I don't bitch. She brings the bitch outta me - because she's so sick of me being the "dude" most of the time.

Neh, you guys won't know what I'm sayin', 'cos it really takes only the two of us to know whatever we say. Haha.

Woman, for protecting me in every way possible; especially yesterday when I broke a certain news to you- and you challenged me and rebuked me in a way that a real friend would;

For keeping MY best interests in your heart;

For persevering in our friendship when I'm the one who felt like giving up;

For being the chick that kicks the "dudeness" out of me SOMETIMES (yeah I know you're frustrated and I feel your pain; but YOU LOVE ME. I know, shaddap. :P);

For loving me the way I am and still do;

For just helping me kick some ass when some people need them :P ;

For the fun times with clubbing, camwhoring, alco-gulping (that's me not you I know. Shaddap :P), and getting all happy-tipsy :P;

For the friendship that reaches a year; and counting (!!!);

For the whole identity that WE have;

For knowing me just as I am without me needing to say a single thing;

I love you.

Well, this comes to an end of a long post and an end to my fast-breaking... and we all'd established that I'm the writer and the talker among the two of us so long posts aren't really anything for me.

But reading back, this is EXCEPTIONALLY longer.

Since I'll be on a fast la, right?

So I hope you'd have a blast reading. And rereading.

And woman, I'll always be there for you, just whenever you need me. And you know that.

Can't wait for November to come.

Estoy siempre, siempre contento; cuando estoy contigo.

Muchas gracias, chica.

Mucho amor para ti.

xoxo (:

I know

2009-09-23T02:01:00.001+08:00

I am never able to find the right words to express what you mean to me.

No matter how much I try and try, I always fall short.

I know we fight, and hurt each other still. I admit that I play an equal part in that.

We just know each other too well to know which buttons to push.

And sometimes I just can't help it, even if I see what's coming.

I know you think that I don't try. But I really do.

Sometimes it feels like we're never gonna get through this. But then again, there are those moments that we still share that makes it feel like it'll be okay.

You confuse me.

When you choose to be, you can be the most annoying, inconsiderate person I've had to deal with.

But I don't hate you. I never could.

Coz I know you well enough to know that you do that in your moments of weakness.

And if we're to grow through this friendship, it's something I've got to really learn to understand.

I realise that with all the drama that's been going on the past few months, I haven't really been able to tell you how much I appreciate everything you did for me.

And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that you feel I didn't see how much you try.

I'm sorry that I still asked for more.

I've always been aware of the trouble you've gone through for me.

And for that I am thankful.

I spend a bundle of my time thinking about what we've been through.

What we've lost, and how things could have been.

And I don't know if it means anything to you anymore, that I still care.

Coz sometimes it really feels like you don't.

I realise things have changed and I can't run to you and expect to hear that you love me.

Or for you to wrap me in your arms tightly and kiss away the worries.

~~Although I wish you would, all the time.~~

But I wish there was a way for us to still talk, the way we used to.

I miss having you around. I miss you understanding me.

You're the greatest gift I've ever gotten in my life. My best "mistake".

I wouldn't be the me I am today if it wasn't for you.

I'd find other words to say it, but my mind goes blank.

Therefore, I love you.

Coz sometimes, as hard as it gets, it's just as simple as that.

memories

2009-09-22T18:21:00.000+08:00

There're just so many between us huh woman.

And in an hour or so after dinner, I'm heading back to my university...which you dread of (uh woman, it's my university and YOU dread huh. What irony :P).

The 2-3 days you spent in KL to celebrate your 21st with me means the world to me woman.

And next year, uh-duh, need i say this- YOU will be the star of my 21st.

See, another irony :P

And the bachelorette party.

And the wedding.

And the ... well, whatever lah.

Hahaha.

I just remembered woman.

5th November.

It'd be a year of the whole D&A thing.

Oh, it used to be DNA but um. Well.

Now YOU made PineappleMango to appear.

Lol.

I still love my bitchirina.

You're still Dylan. I don't care.

And I'm still um. Assyslia. Hahah stupid name. Assylia sounds so much more classy OK? :P

Pictures won't be up, woman. Brother decided to use my camera.

So the next round you're here you edit and do whatever lah huh , broadband and all available :P

can't wait to see you again.

I hope Penang happens by end of the year (:

I'll miss you so much woman. Am missing you much now.

Oh, you do know that you can drop by my blog and write when you have your connection right (ah, duh? :P).

Miss your pennings in my blog :)

xoxo,

Maybe Someday

2009-09-21T23:49:00.008+08:00

"God took Noah into the flood and he also brought him out of it. Similarly,
he has not brought you to this point in your life to just abandon you."

I know I've never been the type of person who's been religious. And I don't know sometimes if I really even believe in God the way other people do. But for as long as I can remember, I have believed in everything happening for a reason. And that has gotten me through some really rough patches. In the past year, I've been trough more ups and downs that I can remember.

I know I'm not a very open person and I'd really only share my true feelings with a select few people. Sometimes I wish I wasn't. If only I could pick up my laptop, sign on to msn, and let people know what was going on. Reach out. And ask for help. But time and time again I end up crying myself to sleep, or bottling it up knowing I'd end up exploding anyways.

It's not as simple as it seems. Some people are just too judgemental. Some end up gossiping and blurting secrets out.

And sometimes its just too hard to say what I really need to.

I guess over time I've learnt to more or less deal with everything myself. And even though I may run to a close friend for a shoulder to cry on, at the end of the day, I'm back to being alone again. And I have no choice but to face it all. The days are okay. And going out takes my mind off things. But when the night comes, and the noise fades, it's not alright anymore. It never is. Time hasn't made it any easier.

The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I believe this has all happened for a reason. This is what my life was meant to be. And if it is fated for things to get better, than I shall wait patiently for that day to come. Coz that's all I can do at this point.

It's good to be able to blog. But lately I just haven't had much to say. Or I haven't figured out how to say it. At the end, all this post is, is a mumblejumble of words and sentences that haven't amounted to anything. You still don't know what exactly has been bothering me. Or what's been going on in my life. And it's because I choose not to tell you anything.

Maybe someday when it no longer hurts or affects me anymore. Maybe someday when I know you'd read this and do something about it, not just sit there and stare then jump to another page as if what I'm going through doesn't mean anything. Maybe someday when you care.

Til then. This is all you're getting I guess.

Happiness

2009-09-18T00:01:00.000+08:00

I TURN 21 TODAY!

Sorry for the massive lack of updates. I'll try to do something about it once i'm back.

-dear woman.

2009-09-10T10:18:00.006+08:00

what's a blogpost without a picture? and that's the pic of me in my baju that you love :P

You know the random times that I always write in your blog JUST FOH FUN lah huh.

And today's one of those times that I wanna intrude and write - well not that you'd mind anyway :P

The soulmate's in dire need of crazy camwhoring, shit-buying (HAHA you can buy shit? :P), and inside joke moments again. Missing the 23 hours of laughing, 30 mins of trying to be serious and the other 30 just to talk :P well you get what I mean when we're together lah huh :P

And it's just difficult, the past few months, going through life in uni and life in general- I know you know. Too much happenings , too little time.

Remember the time when you called 2 weeks after uni started?

"Uni sucked the life out of you", you said.

Well, I regained that life back- if you could put it that way.

But you know that too many things happened lately , that I feel it fading again.

And I'm glad I've you to always be the atmosphere-setter when you're around.

You know you won't give me mercy when you're here .. tired or not, soulmate time is soulmate time. Lol.

But the pissifying part is that you'd sleep on my bed, and that time is my soulmate on my bed time =.= yes I know you'd be laughing and going all "yeah I went to KL just for you so hello, your bed should be a reward for me no?"..

...you know my response to that, woman.

SO.

With all the crap I wrote here, I guess you can sum it all up to just three words :)

I miss you (:

Hasta luego, cariña!

Can't wait to see you (:

Muy Caliente!

2009-09-07T20:31:00.006+08:00

I swear I was born in the wrong part of the world. Coz guys here are so not hot anymore!

Okay. So maybe I'm biased towards certain types of guys. So sue me XP

Poker Face

2009-09-05T05:39:00.001+08:00

I think this is really cute. I don't know why.

Barely Breathing

2009-09-05T05:07:00.002+08:00

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out ...

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on,
I'm holdin' on,
I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you ...

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life ...

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok ...

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home ...

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on,
I'm holdin' on,
I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you ...

With Love

2009-08-26T22:55:00.003+08:00

This one goes out to Pineapple.

Woman. I'm gonna start this off by saying, I MISS YOU.

And now that that's outta the way, I can get to apologising for going "poof" on you. Things have been either hectic or completely dead here. And so have it, you have impeccable timing when it comes to calling me. I'm either asleep, at work, or out w people, and you know the moment you call that I'm like super distracted. Therefore....sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry! With sugar and icing on top =)

I figured you've been going through some pretty heavy stuff there by your occasional emo calls, and the lack of your blogging. I wish I could be right there next to you to hug you and then bitch slap the person that's giving you a hard time. But unfortunately our long distance soulmate'ship prevents me from doing just that.

I will however, see you when I'm down in KL around my birthday. And then we WILL spend an entire day (or two, if it takes that long) gossiping and catching up on each other's lives.

I still love you woman. And you're constantly on my mind!

Oh, and I'm gonna post this on your blog as well, just in case it takes you forever to get here. Don't want you thinking that I've stopped caring.

Never Ending Story

2009-08-26T22:37:00.002+08:00

I fucking hate your lies! It's one thing to lie and keep things from me. You take it to a whole other level when you keep denying everything, AFTER i've caught you fucking red handed. To think you had an ounce of humanity in you. Boy was I wrong. You fucking ruined everything. It is not letting go of you that's hard. It is in all honestly, letting you go without making you pay for the shit you have done that's impossible. It just doesn't feel fair anymore at this point. But I promise, in time, you will get what you deserve. I'll make sure of it.

1 2 Step!

2009-08-22T21:25:00.005+08:00

Yes, so Jolene was back last weekend. I'm sure everyone knows by now, coz the pictures went up on facebook a century ago. Okay, so maybe a week ago. But you get what I mean.

It was the normal mall-shop-bitch-club session.

Pretty pink bimbo nails =) Which we D.I.Y'd at Breeks. While having lunch.

And then we waited for mr-boyfriend-bouncer. Then headed to SS. Yes, I know you're getting bored of the place just looking at the pictures. But we aren't bored of it. Every trip Jolene makes back, we'll end up being there. Without fail.

We spent most of our time dancing and taking pictures. And believe or not, no one was drunk at the end of the night. In fact, we were so sober we decided to leave early. Well it was that, and the fact that we'd spent a good 6 hours walking around the mall. Oh, and my favourite part of the night was the band. Mainly coz of the lead singer. Coz he was cute. In the I-have-a-thing-for-Phillipino-bald-guys way. But still! =)

Miss you both bitches!

-'cos a little random crap will do no harm..

2009-08-15T00:14:00.002+08:00

Yup, it's the soulmate posting at the other soulmate's blog at sucha soulmate-ish time that we met via facebook and she actually asks of this soulmate to type this post 'cos I'm her soulmate.

Confused, yet? :P

Okay so I promised to write some random crap to actually keep her blog readers entertained and that's exactly what I'll do. I'm actually in a skating rink resting area for the skaters or the hockey players with my bestie, Ms Cadbury (no it's a nickname) and I'm just resting here while the bestie listens to the music from my laptop.

Yes, I have a Dell Latitude E5400 now and I'm damn proud of it. MUAHAHA.
Okay random crap.

So anyhow, here I am to write in her blog to tell her how much I miss her. The weeks of not meeting her and the lack of gossiping sessions. The lack of heart to hearts and updates; the lack of everything. Yet still, we're still THAT connected in a lot of ways. Like how our mobile phones are barred totally because we have yet to pay our bills (I PAID MINE WOMAN! WHEE!).. the times when we laugh together or stop and sigh together.. those are precious moments that kept being there all the way even when we got "disconnected" temporarily.

So here woman, Pineapple's telling you how much she misses you, the fruit that she always eats :P nyehehehe.
But seriously, I've missed you like loca. =)
Take care woman, and at anytime at all; give me a ring and we'd talk. Like last time.

Like how we always do.
Woman.

Mucho, mucho amor pa' ti.
=)

Still

2009-08-10T12:52:00.002+08:00

It's exactly 2 and a half years today.

I'm alright.

Even though I still love you.

A lot.

But Really, She Was Not.

2009-07-31T22:57:00.001+08:00

She was fine.

Then she heard a familiar song playing. One that she had avoided listening to for so long. But she couldn’t seem to turn it off this time. Even though it had been such a long time, she could still sing to the lyrics or hum to the tune. And as she listened on, she couldn’t help but remember him.

The song. Their song. She remembered him, sitting on his chair, playing the song for her the very first time. She remembered him telling her, it would be the first song they’d dance to together once they were married. She remembered him tearing up as he held her hand. But with a smile so sincere it could have made her cry. She remembered holding back those tears, as his family was just in the hall.

She remembered him singing in the car. So loud she could barely hear the music. So loud she found herself having to tell him to stop, time and time again. She remembered his airy voice. The calm in it. How he looked like from the side, and the funny look he got as he hit the high notes.

She remembered the silly little things he used to do to make her laugh. And how well it worked. She remembered how clumsy he was. And the many times he bumped his head into the guitar by the wall. She remembered getting kicked in the face as he got up. And how they always laughed about it.

She remembered his smile. His lips. His kisses. How his rough lips would always seem so soft and warm. How she’d complain about having to constantly wipe her glasses from his nose touching it. And how she’d give in and end up taking it off. She remembered taking off his glasses as well.

She remembered the many car rides they had. And how he would always hold her hand. She remembered falling asleep on his lap as they sat in the back of the van. And the many other things they found time to do in there as well. She remembered the places he drove to. The trips they went on.

More than anything, she remembered how safe he always made her feel.

But as soon the song started to fade, she pushed her memories away. And she was fine again. She was fine. Even though she knew she didn’t have him anymore.

Even though she could no longer run into his arms. Or hug and kiss him like she used to. Even though she’d never marry him. Or spend the rest of her life with him. Even though she wasn’t getting her fairy tale ending.

She was fine. Coz she had given up. On everything she had believed in. On everything she had tried fighting for. On him. But mostly, because she had given up on herself.

She didn’t want to cry anymore. She didn’t want to live. But all she could do was stay numb. Til the memories came flooding back again.

So Far Away

2009-07-31T21:53:00.002+08:00

Hello world. No, this isn't really an update. It's just coz I was emoing. Being depressed missing having weggie around. And I missed the moments we shared. Hehe. I know it sounds sappy. But yeah. I miss having a sister around.

I miss you weggie. Come back home.

Nothing

2009-07-28T19:57:00.004+08:00

She sat quietly, thinking.

She couldn't stop thinking about everything he had ever said to her.

Everything that had happened.

And the night before was no different.

The words just seemed to be replaying on loop.

It didn't matter how hard she tried to think about anything else.

Or the things she did to try to distract herself.

Nothing worked.

She just couldn't get him off her mind.

I know I owe the world an update.

But all I can do now is place my hands on the keyboard.

And stare blankly at the screen.

Soon.

I promise.

- Que facil!

2009-07-15T12:51:00.003+08:00

Yes, it's not her writing Spanish (not like she would in HER own blog :P).
It's her soulmate who's newly learning Spanish who decides to NOT update HER own blog, but update this blog, 'cos she misses doing so.

And writing this blog reminded her of the 4am talks, the crazy ungodly hours of gossiping, laughing, planning our future (LIKE IT'D HAPPEN TOMORROW?:P), and the inside jokes which NOBODY would understand (note : NOT even our own kids and husbands)..it's just another classic example of how our soulmate-ness (for lack of a better word) can be.

Woman, I hope to be able to celebrate your birthday with you this year. And are you moving to where you told me you are? If it's so then it'd be MUCHO MUCHO easier for us to meet and hang out and *ahem* all.. so please, do tell me kay? The soulmate misses you a lot. And I believe it's likewise.

The call last Sunday was unexpected..and again when you called at such an *ahem* - I don't need to say that word out :P- time; we had our talk, but I 'm so sorry I've been so exhausted the past week, I have no more zest to talk to you the way I used to last time. Lo siento, chica. However, when we talked about the many other things that we ALWAYS talk about..and when we said that Mr Jayden's gonna go "Mango? Gogogogogogo?"..and number 3'd go "where?" out of nowhere..that was classic humour!

And the A for Effort.
And the banana, nana. Fruitcake(!).. boy, the laughter was heard by my father downstairs lol.
I kena sound the next morning :P but t'was all good.

So here's a little intruding to tell you that I seriously do miss you, and I'm sorry for being unable to spend time with you like we used to with each other - but I super super hope that we'd be able to once I get used to living in this uni.. and all that jazz :S

Yes, and I'll introduce 4 to you .
And he'd frown like how banana did when we talked :P

adios for now, cariño (:
te extraño mucho. ten cuidado, por favor?

tu alma gemela (:

21

2009-07-14T21:11:00.010+08:00

September's coming. Time has passed faster than I thought it would. Last year I turned 20. I made it a huge deal for the people that were in my life at that point. This year's my 21st. And it doesn't feel like anything anymore.

A few months ago, I was busy thinking of all the amazing things I'd be doing with the boyfriend. The soulmate. The bestfriends. The family. But now, nothing. The big 21. My mum's overseas. My dad doesn't think of me as family. My brother's decided to start a silent war. My ex is well, my ex. The soulmate's gonna be busy with uni. The bestfriends are scattered all over the place. And you have no idea how impossible it is to try and get everyone together at the same time.

I think it's really that I miss my family now. Friends come and go. And so do boyfriends. But I never thought not having my family around would be something I'd have to deal with. Not so soon. Not like this.

Life goes on. But with my birthday coming up in 2months, I've just been reminded of how different I thought things would be at this point. It's not that everything changed in a matter of seconds. But over the past 3 years, it feels like I've lost just about everyone that I've loved. And that's whats painful.

I feel so alone sometimes.

It used to be okay before. When I distracted myself. But now, simply keeping myself busy doesn't take away that empty feeling. It's gotten so bad that I just don't want to bother anymore. I just don't.

I'm moving again. By the end of this year. At this point, I don't wanna state where to or when exactly. But I am. I'm moving to get closer. I'm moving to get away. I just need to do something meaningful in my life right now. Something more fulfilling. And I think I've found just the thing. I'm just hoping it all goes well.

Disappear

2009-07-10T19:50:00.005+08:00

She had the man of her dreams and some success. The friends she needed and everything else. She was so happy, and looking well. Then in a blink of her eyes, she lost everything. She tried to hold on to herself for so long. She didn't want to lose herself. But on this one dark night, she slipped. She's back on drugs again. Even though she knows it ain't right. She can't even call up her friends and ask them to save her. To bring her back. She's so ashamed of herself coming full circle. Exactly where she was before. And once again with no one to run to. Nobody understood what it was like to be this girl. She wanted to run. And not tell a soul. But she couldn't. No one seemed to realise, that even though in person she was there, her soul had began to disappear.

There Ain't No Party

2009-07-07T00:07:00.000+08:00

Here are the pics bitches!!

And they lived happilly ever after? Lol

The OMG ONE MORE TEQUILA SHOT shot XP

No. You cannot see what you think you may see. I zoomed to check!

Have a blast ya'll =)

Go Away

2009-07-06T22:22:00.003+08:00

This goes out to you. And the bitch you drag along with you. If I ever see her fucking face around again. I swear. I'm smacking that smug little expression right of her bare cheeks. I let it be for such a long time, thinking poor little girl. All broken and hurt. But if that bitch knows how to giggle to your smart ass remarks, she better learn to deal with the consequences of things. The only reason I let you go is still, coz you are blood. And despite how ridiculous you have been through this situation and well, how much I simply fucking hate your guts. I can't do anything. Coz unlike you, I don't do crap like that to family. So yeah. This serves as a warning. To you. To her. Don't fucking show up if you're not gonna at least be civilised enough to talk things out. And if you still chose not to be civilised, well then, I'm not gonna be either.

Getting On My Nerves

2009-07-01T23:27:00.002+08:00

You. Piss me off. Because you chose to walk away when you could have stayed. Because I've maybe needed a friend. Or some support through all this. And you've been a total bastard. Acting the way you have. But what pisses me off the most is that you are family. The real kind. And you still have the heart to turn away. If you were just a friend, I'd have confronted you a long time ago and give you a kick in the ass. But I can't. Coz you're not. I just wish sometimes you'd stop being such an idiot and realise that you're being a hypocrite by being friends with him. When you've turned us away for a reason you could easilly use against him. And the balls you have to stand up for her. Acting like an angel. When really the person you should be standing up for has been in pain for a really long time. And no, I don't even mean me.

Touchy Much

2009-06-30T20:04:00.004+08:00

So apparently, even my tiny lil paragraph on MJ's passing managed to offend someone. So much so that I was bombarded by offline msn messages. This is one of the few.

"I dont apreciate your post.. get ur facts right b4 u blab... he turned white bcoz he had a skin disease called Vitiligo. so the best he could do is go for a depigmentation.. theres pics of him during the period where his disease was at the peak and u could see white patches at several places of him. and the molestation thing was just blood suckers trying to rob michael. "

And even left a link to prove that said blood sucker admitted to it all.

http://awkwardstar.wordpress.com/2009/06/27/jordan-chandler-admits-he-lied-about-michael-jackson/

Unfortunately, the link, doesn't seem to get me anywhere. So too bad. No proof.

And just before anyone, or you, get all pissed at me for saying what I said, I never once mentioned that I hate MJ or anything right. All I said was that he died to me a long time ago. And therefore I do not feel the need to dedicate a whole post to him. Which I find myself doing right now. So much for what I stated there.

I do not question the mark he has left on the world. Even I know what a big difference he has made. So if I did offend you, I'd like to apologise for it. It was not an attack on your idol. Merely my opinion on the whole thing. Hugs and kisses aite =)

After A Really Long Time

2009-06-29T23:11:00.011+08:00

Here's the long awaited update.

Coz well, I know I haven't been updating.

Even though I've been going out practically everyday in the past month, the blog's been pretty dead since I haven't got an internet connection. It doesn't feel the same blogging from the lappie when I'm sitting at starbucks or segafredo. Those places have been like a second home to me in recent times. Just sitting there hanging out with friends. Chilling and sipping on coffee.

I've also really picked up smoking again. (I hope my mum doesn't read this part. If you have, ignore it okay mummy. And don't read on. Hehe) I'm as close to chain smoking as I've ever been. And it's not a good feeling. I don't know why I'm so addicted to it now. Maybe coz it really is just relaxing. And I need to relax. Maybe it's coz smoking makes me sleepy. And i've been having problems sleeping again. And that's why knowing that I smoke because of those said reasons, leaves me feeling SO not good. But ehh. It helps me thru the day. So i'll worry about the lung cancer and stuff some other day.

Spent the last weekend in KL. Partying my ass off in style. Lol. Okay. So I was actually there for a friend's birthday. And it's been quite a while since I've enjoyed myself that much. And no I DID NOT GET DRUNK. OR HIGH. OR ANYTHING ELSE. It was just good clean fun. Although the pictures I post up of it a little later on would make it seem like I was not. I'm swearing here that I was. Haha. I'm really missing KL now. But the feeling comes and goes. It's been that way for the longest time. I guess I just miss the hecticness of it all. Having to go out everyday. Clubbing. Shopping. Hanging out. And even though I'm kinda doing some of that here. It just doesn't feel the same.

I still think of you all the time. And everything we've been through together. And how stupid it is that all of that turned out to be for nothing. I know we're friends now. But what if I'm really not okay with us being friends? We never learnt to be friends in the first place. How do I go from here to there? It was so much easier when you just chose to ignore me the first time. I wish I could tell you to just do that, coz I know you would. But it just wouldn't be the same this time. And I just really don't know what to do.

I've lost you. I've lost them. And that's what sucks the most. Coz when you were finally given the chance to prove yourself to be what you've always claimed to be, you went and did the exact opposite. You said a long time ago, if you could take back what happened then or at least do it differently, you would. And then you didn't. And now I suffer again, coz of choices that you had to make. It's in huge part my own choice too. But I always knew I couldn't do it alone. And so did you.

Oh and since everyone seems to be blogging about MJ and stuff, I figured it'd only be appropriate for me to mention him a little here. Yes I know he's the King of Pop. And he did die and all. But I don't feel the need to have a whole post dedicated to him now. He died a long time ago to me. When he turned completely white and had his nose fall off. Don't even get me started on the child molestation. So yeah. Doesn't affect me much. It's just a pity he had to die before his last curtain call. But no biggie. Not like I was gonna be there anyways.

So I guess I'ma end this here. I'll post up pics of my weekend in KL soon. Once I get em and edit everything to freakin perfection. I'll try to update soon again. But if I don't. Be understanding okay. Hehe. And you're allowed to guestblog if you want to. Yes, you.

Running Away

2009-06-23T17:28:00.000+08:00

In light of recent events, I have come to realise that I am not over you yet.

It has not been easy dealing with things being this way. But I just know that there's nothing I can do at all at this point. We're friends. And i'm happy being friends. I'm glad you were there this weekend, to offer some support after what happened. Eventhough nothing was mentioned about it. Not once.

But this weekend has just made me realise that I do miss you. That no one can take your place. No matter how hard I try to let them in. Moving on is a whole different thing from letting go. Moving on is easy. Letting go, not so much.

I asked you. And you gave me the answer I expected to hear all along.

It's not impossible, does not make things any easier for me. In fact, all it does is leave me wondering more. If there's anything I should do or not do that would affect the outcome of the future. Mine. Yours. Ours. Which puts me back at square one.

I am happy. At times.

But then more often than not, I am reminded of how much happier I could be. And that is the problem.

I hope going to India solves everything. It is the break I need. The good kind.

Annoyed

2009-06-22T23:00:00.003+08:00

Spammers fucking annoy me.

And now that i'm not online all the time, it annoys me so much more. To get on my page and see crap. Then to have to sign on to the account just to erase it. Do you think I can't check IP adresses? Are you that stupid to assume I don't know who you are? Yes, YOU. Fucking childish. I thought I was done dealing with you, but apparently not.

If I weren't on my cycle now, maybe. Just maybe. I wouldn't be so pissed off. But your timing is as bad as your attitude. And your face.

Fucking leave my page alone.

Long Overdued

2009-06-18T21:24:00.005+08:00

No I haven't forgotten. I just haven't been online much.

Busy

2009-06-10T01:11:00.001+08:00

Fetish?

2009-06-04T15:52:00.005+08:00

Stigmatophilia...

In psychiatry, a sexual perversion in which sexual arousal and orgasm depends on the partner being scarred, marked, tattooed or pierced.

Haha. Hell yeah! I'm completely aware of how guys with tattoos turn me on! Lol. Piercings don't affect me much anymore nowadays. But chest tattoos are the bomb. Provided the tattoo is on a hot guy la! Duh. Actually, any tattoo on a hot guy is well, HOT! *drools*

I know this is totally random. And I can't explain why I have a thing for that. But I just realised how big a difference it makes in keeping me interested you know. And I thought I'd share it with the world.

Oh and I love guys with solid arms and calves.

Shall continue day dreaming now. Ta.

Together

2009-06-04T15:25:00.002+08:00

Falling

2009-06-04T00:56:00.005+08:00

Comparisons are easily made once you've had a taste of perfection.

But then again, what and who defines perfect?

I beg to differ.

There is no perfect.

It is what you can live with and can't live without that makes a difference.

I'm falling.

Not too fast, not too hard.

But nevertheless, falling.

It's quite a wonderful feeling really.

Reunion

2009-06-03T13:41:00.005+08:00

I'm seriously too super lazy to type stuff anymore. So once again, have fun looking at the pictures lah. The rest is on facebook. You can see it there. If you have me on facebook. If not go add me lah. But let me know who you are first. Lol.

There'll be more pictures soon. But sometimes I don't know if I should keep it up. I question if anyone really drops by here. Why my readers dont leave comments one ah? Let me know who's reading lah.

Thank you. Come again.

Impatience

2009-06-02T02:25:00.004+08:00

I'll just let the pictures do the talking.

As Simple As That

2009-06-02T00:23:00.003+08:00

Just cause I smile, you think I'm happy.

Even when I laugh and giggle, I don't really mean it.

What makes you think really, that I am alright?

That I'm anywhere close to being alright.

Coz i'm not.

I've lost count of the times I've cried myself to sleep.

And woke up to tears again.

I'm not saying I won't survive.

Coz I know I will.

I've been through hell and more with you.

And after everything, you still can't just let me have some peace now.

You still insist on playing this game.

No matter what you say, or what you claim to try to do, the fact is this.

I am not alright. With this. With you.

So if everything you're doing now is coz you understand.

Then why are you still getting everything wrong?

Why are you still screwing up?

I've given you more chances then you ever deserved.

I don't want to fall asleep crying anymore.

I just wish everything would stop.

I wish you would.

There They Go

2009-06-01T15:51:00.004+08:00

Yes, we went skating. Haha. It's literally been about 10 years since we went skating. I got so used to ice skating that it just felt weird being on wheels again. Lol. But nevertheless, we had fun. And I only fell once. Yay me! =)

Gerard falling. Lol. He started off by falling. ALOT. But got better towards the end of the few hours. And he also found a "friend" in the process XP

Damn champion picture. Lol. Trying to be retro lah.

And below would be THE picture of the day. Super brilliant idea.

We got cold in the cinema. And Gerard whipped out his new bedsheet pillowcase set. And taddah! XP Problem solved. We were cold no more. Haha it's like watching a movie, awesome screen and sound system all, but with the comfort of home. Hehe

Not What You Think

2009-06-01T15:33:00.003+08:00

And no that's not the boyfriend. But I will try to upload a pic of him.

Sometime. When I feel like it.

Green. Just Because.

2009-06-01T02:14:00.000+08:00

Went to SS last night. After a very long time.
Ron's first legal time clubbing.

Ivan & I

The brother and his bestfriend.

The sister and her boyfriend.

Unbelievably at the end of the night, I was probably the most sober among them all. Ron managed to drive back without any accidents. But the sister was out sleeping in the back seat. And lets not even get started on Gerard. Indian drama. Lol. A night I'm not gonna be forgetting anytime soon!

Alma Gemela (:

2009-05-31T23:29:00.000+08:00

That's soulmate in Spanish, btw (:

And knowing this isn't the way she writes, you'd know it's me. If you don't know who I am, you should be ashamed to call yourself a reader of this page, I won't even spend time elaborating =P

Anyways, woman ; here's a note, since it's been awhile since I dropped by a little something in this space (and vice versa no?). I know all's good on your side and you're going to trump through all that you go through, 'cos you know yourself that you're a trooper (: always are, and always will be. You know that.

Albeit facing my own personal conflicts in life and sometimes disagreeing with what you do, you know that you have my 150% support behind you all the time ; so long as it's right. And being the logic/brainiac behind the Pineapple-Mango / D&A friendship we have, I won't say it's always easy to support you 'cos I know the crap we've to go through once you step on crap (if ever you do :P)- and I'm not the exactly the noble-est person alive on earth, but I know what makes you happy matters to me.

Always do, always will be.

I did "magical" things to my hair; like cut it into THAT bob, and dyed it violet red. But since I don't have YOUR camera (my cacat phone camera, yes yes), so I took the pic of my hair in a very.. weird way I guess. I shall post it here for your viewing pleasure. And when I can get hold of a good camera I shall take a good pic of my hair, alright. Lol.

Here goes. You just have to imagine the rest of my hair in this colour XP

unedited, so you can see it as it is. Nobody to take my pics for me lah woman.
But seriously, that's the colour of my hair now.
In a pixie-bobcut.
;)

Love you woman. Take good care there.

Tu alma gemela,
Pineapple.

The Movies

2009-05-30T16:03:00.001+08:00

First of the Many

2009-05-28T12:35:00.004+08:00

I know it's taken me sometime. But I just got my camera working again =) so I guess today marks day 1. Read more about it here.

I Dreamed a Dream

2009-05-28T02:03:00.004+08:00

Was going through youtube. And I found this! It's so cute and touching and well, amazing. Yes, I know I'm a lil slow coz it was in the audition rounds which was quite some time back. But I just thought I'd share it anyways.

If you've got time, here's the full clip

Inked

2009-05-26T17:56:00.004+08:00

Back again.
Here's some pictures.

Getting inked again. Nothing big. Just something I felt like doing.
And here's what it looks like now.

Photo courtesy of Lim Teck Chan

And here are a few randoms with Pineapple.

I'm starving now. Lack of food.

Shall go grab something.

And if you're reading this. 143.

Hugs & Kisses

2009-05-21T13:44:00.000+08:00

Yes I know I haven't been updating massively. And now I'm running off again.

But I'll be back with pictures. After a really long time.

XOXO

Here it Comes.

2009-05-16T03:35:00.002+08:00

So here are some updates. Since I've been missing for a while.

Work's been good. It comes and goes seeing as how I've chosen such an unstable line. And I'm picky with what I choose to do. But it'll only be til end of this month. Then I'm switching to something else. Y'all know how I love not sticking to jobs. Yes it's a disease. And I'm insisting on it being genetically inherited from my dad.

I've also been under the sun a whole lot lately. And I'm getting a tan. Which I don't mind when I'm by the beach and the tan can be evened out. But this is so not by the beach and its just plain annoying. Although I do like the idea of being a lil darker. And I figured I'd dye my hair black again. Do you know it's been like 4 months since I haven't done anything with my hair. That's gotta be some kinda record for me.

Oh and I'm typing with one hand now. Coz I'm such a klutz that I indirectly directly put my left hand in the way of a ceiling fan. 3 seconds a lil too late, I realised I was in pain and my fingers started to pound like they'd been smacked by a solid hard frying pan. Now finger 3, 4 and 5 are cut, bruised and swollen. Few weeks ago I stapled my own finger. And now this. Thank god at least I didn't break a nail. Yes, I know that was such a bimbotic thing to say. But hey. Most girls would have been in tears already and I wasn't. So kudos to me. I don't care if u think I'm so full of myself. I know I am thank you.

I've also been spending a crazy amount of time online and on the phone over the past week. It's been amazing getting to talk to those who matter again, just like old times. And if you were them, you would have personally felt my happiness and heard my random giggling. Really random giggling. It's been great. But here comes the highest bill of my life! Lol okay. I exaggerate. I've had MUCH higher bills.

But who cares right. I've been happy. Much happier than I can remember being in a really long time. And I'm not just happy solely coz someone else has managed to brighten up my day. I'm happy coz I'm contented. With myself. With the situation. With a whole lot of things. I guess there really is nowhere else to go but up. Gone are my days of being sad and pitiful. I am so superwoman right now. Or at least I feel like it. And no, this is not the last time you'd catch me bragging about my happiness. Not by a long shot.

Well, that's all for now. I don't care if you think I'm random. Or silly. Or say stupid things. Or don't make any sense. The people who love me, love me for who I am. Regardless =)

And I love y'all too!

An Update. Before the Real One.

2009-05-14T04:13:00.004+08:00

I'm up. At such an ungodly hour. Coz dad's up watching the MU match. And screaming his lungs out! You tell me how to sleep.

Everything's been good here.

I had my period of confinement, so to say. And I've made an almost full recovery. And trust me when I say that it's so close to being a full recovery, that I've even managed to shock myself. Who knew it'd turn out to be that easy after all?

And now I'm, infatuated.

After all the unnecessary drama, it feels so refreshing to know that I don't have to worry about all that crap anymore. Makes me wonder how I was stupid enough to put up with it for so long leh.

Things with him are so easy. No worries, no fuss. Amazing how things just fell into place the moment I told myself I'd let go. I'm just so happy now. Truly.

Yes. Even you can tell how infatuated I am. Right?

Hehe. Not my fault you know. Sometimes some people just come along and make the sun shine bright again.

Okay, maybe that was taking it a lil too far. But wth. I get to say what I want to.

Now I miss the "nonsensical blah blah-ing moments" we had before all the nonsence. Pineapple, I'm ready to pick up where we left off. Once I fix my stupid fruitcake of a camera. Or not no pictures beh syok mah. Our FB pics also sudah ketinggalan zaman already. I suka ur short hair. I want to put pictures of it up. I see juu in one weeks time =) You make sure you free ah.

Oh and woman. Fruit. Soulmate. Whatever.

.......mik?

No Longer There

2009-05-13T05:10:00.001+08:00

I remember the first time we sat down for dinner together.

I remember the sweater you lent me.

I remember our first kiss and how it felt to be in your embrace.

I remember the awkwardness, and the perfection.

I remember the music that played in your car.

I remember that night.

I miss the closeness we had. I miss the friendship. I miss you.

Just in case you didn't know =)

Perfection

2009-05-13T04:39:00.003+08:00

i know what i want is you

but i know that reality is, its just not gonna ever work

so why keep trying, why keep hurting myself?

i've been holding on to this picture of perfection coz thats what i want it to be

but its not anymore

so why keep holding on

what i need to do is open up so i can look for the perfection i need

and just stop expecting to find it in you

Thirty Thousand, Two Hundred and Forty Minutes

2009-05-12T04:24:00.010+08:00

It's been a week since it's started to sink in.

Two since shit hit the fan.

And three since it really just ended.

3 long weeks. 3 really long weeks. But I know that even though a journey has ended here. Another one has just begun. And that leaves me with something to look forward to. I'm not moving on just yet. But I have found happiness and excitement in knowing that I can.

I am happy.

Even though things aren't perfect. And there still is a lot to settle. I am alright with myself. The problem is no longer in me. It is exactly what it's supposed to be. I got what I needed. The long awaited closure to a problem that has been there for well, longer than it should have been.

And now, the healing can take place.

It's easier this time around. It's easier coz I know what's coming. It's easier coz I know how to face it now. It's easier coz I know, no matter how much love remains, he is no longer worth it. Not after the crap he has done and the things he has said. Not after what he has proven himself to be.

As much as I wish things did not turn out to be the way it is now, the reality is that it has already happened. There is nothing more I can do. I'm just holding my head up as high as I can now. And learning to let go.

I will always love you Jermaine.

More than you have ever loved me.

And that's okay.

Once Again

2009-05-10T02:26:00.002+08:00

Happy Mother's Day...

...to all the mothers out there.

There's nothing more I have to say.

No End

2009-05-09T10:34:00.002+08:00

I hate that in the past week, no matter what time I fall asleep,
I'm still somehow always up by 10 !!!
I fucking want to sleep !!!

I'm still sitting. Waiting.

It sucks when things aren't in my hands.
But I guess that's what trust is about right?
And I guess when tomorrow comes, the waiting would have been worth it.

It still aches. I do.

I'm so so tired.
I wish I could just fall asleep and not wake up.
Ever.

I want this all to end.

I'm so close to begging.

Can't Keep Breathing

2009-05-06T12:44:00.003+08:00

Taking some time off. For a little peace and quiet.

I wanna just keep living in denial. Because living in denial is easier than facing the truth. But for how long really? I can't keep fighting. I can't keep trying.

I came so close to just ending it all. Jumping. Bleeding. Getting hit. Whatever opportunity presented itself in that moment. But for some reason, I guess that's not what fate holds for me.

I've handed you my trust. Left it in your hands.

I'm giving it time now.

I love you.

Early in the A.M.

2009-05-01T07:02:00.002+08:00

Yes, I'm blogging at freakin 7 in the morning. Mark this date on your calender. It is not something that's gonna happen like, ever again probably. I'm sitting somewhere in central *which I shall not mention, just for fun* and I'm gonna be here til like the afternoon. I had no idea central had so many people early in the morning. I suppose it's mostly people going off to work or school but it just never hit me before, people actually are out this early, daily. Gosh it's been so long since I've had to be up everyday so early for work or school. In fact, I don't think I've ever had to be up so early. Even when I was back in school.

Err...pardon my random rambling. It really is too early for me to be up. So how do you figure my brain would be functioning now? Lol.

Well, since I feel like just going on now, I'm gonna. If you don't like nonsense, don't read on la. Easy. But really, it's gonna be really nonsense. Since I'm blogging in between chatting and facebooking. So I don't even remember what I've been talking about. Oh well.

My stomach's grumbling now. Coz I haven't had anything to eat. But I don't have any appetite in the morning anyways. I want the banana chocolate chip muffin thingy from starbucks. Anyone knows what time the starbucks here opens? I would go there to check but then I wouldn't be able to come back here and sit. And well, we all know I'm too lazy to walk over there now, just to find out it's not opened yet.

The crowd's clearing now. I guess people are leaving for work now. And students for school. I don't know who else in their right mind would be up now just for fun. Got ah people like that? Saja saja wake up at 7 to go hang out with friends. I do my hanging out after 12 wan.

Pineapple's birthday is coming up. Actually it's tomorrow. But coz my ass will be leaving for Johor tonight, I won't be able to celebrate it with her. NOT LIKE YOU CAN GET OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE TO HANG OUT WITH ME RIGHT?! Now I have to go buy her presents. Woman, I duwan can? I have no moods to go shoppings without chu. AND YOU SEE, I PUT IN RED OKAY. AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I DON'T LIKE THIS COLOUR ON MY PAGE!! Aiya. I just give you more earing la horr. Since I got so many and you've got a ton of catching up to do =)

Yay. Thank god at least Weggie's online now. Then I'm kept occupied. Or else I'll just be rotting here. I swear I'd probably fall asleep on the laptop without her. Despite the time difference. She's the one that's up temaning me. What are all my other friends for ah? XP

I think I'm gonna head over to Starbucks now. I'm guessing it'll be open by now.

Eh, I just realised it the 1st of May. Not labour day meh? That means people aren't going to work lah. How come central still so pack ah? -_-"

I'm useless in the morning!

Horror Pass Midnight

2009-04-29T05:02:00.000+08:00

5 o'clock in the morning, and why am I still up? Coz i'm a bloody coward. That's why.

I was so bersemangat to get horror movies. I put it on to watch, watched it halfway, and put it off. OH MY GOD. It's been so long since I've watched a horror movie that I've completely forgotten how creepy it leaves you feeling. I couldn't even think of watching it to the end. And how then was I gonna fall asleep in the dark, with the balcony door open, without crying!

So now I'm watching Slumdog Millionaire to forget about the horror just so I can go to sleep. It's actually a really good show. I might just stay up to watch the whole thing.

Oh and I've also decided to change my titles. To like, well, anything I wanna.

Gonna start Project 365 soon. Shall explain it when I start it =)

Dead and Gone

2009-04-28T16:24:00.006+08:00

This weekend, I could be scuba diving, exploring amazing coral reefs or bumming my ass off in a cute little chalet on Pulau Tioman, for free. But no, I have to work. And instead of taking an interesting ferry ride there, I'll be stuck in a car traveling to Johor. Boy am I looking forward to my ass getting all numb. Sigh.

I want a bloody holiday!! Argh!!

And you know what else I found out? I could have been flying to Phuket mid year, but again, NO, I'm not. Who's regretting the decisions they've made in the past few months? I am.

Phuket damn it!! PHUKET!!!

Sugar

2009-04-27T23:57:00.002+08:00

You,

I've had a lot of time to think about everything that's happened, and the stuff that has yet to come. And I realise, There is no winning if I don't find it in myself to forgive you. There would be no moving on. And that would do no good. For either of us. So here's what I have to say.

Thank you for being a part of my life for as long as you were. Thank you for teaching me to believe in love, to live by it. Thank you for the many times you cared. And thank you for the many things you shared.

In all honesty, it was never easy being with you. But it was certainly a ride I don't regret. Despite the fights, the pain, the stupidity. I truly believe that I wouldn't be the person I am today without you. And I mean it in the best way possible. It is you, who thought me that the world was much bigger than just myself.

You are still the most amazing person I know. You are still the person I love. You are still the one. But I've come to accept that that doesn't mean we'd always be together. Right now, I'm glad we're friends. As for the future, I don't know what it holds. But I sure hope this friendship lasts a lifetime.

Me.

Croatian Rhapsody

2009-04-25T00:05:00.003+08:00

Today makes me sad.

Mummy turns 46. Ron turns 18. Happy Birthday.

It's days like these that makes me wish things weren't this way.

I miss you mummy.

Wanna Ride

2009-04-23T14:31:00.002+08:00

I know!! Finally some pictures!!! Right.

I've finally had the time to upload, resize, photoshop and crop all the recent pictures, so here are some of em.

Here's the ones from KL.

Yer. How come my head looks so big next to Won's head? So weird lah. My head's that big meh?

And here are some randoms from the Standard Chartered Run Your Race 2009.
Go sign up HERE can.

Universal Mind Control

2009-04-23T13:33:00.000+08:00

I'm a reality show freak. My days consist mostly of...

Yeah. I like reality shows. I follow them insanely. Whether I think it's pointless or stupid, it's still quite entertaining. And at least it's real people. Sometimes things really get funny.

I know I've got tags to do, but I really dun feel like doing em now lah. Sowwee.

Bring Em Out

2009-04-23T05:47:00.000+08:00

You know that feeling, when you've lost him and thought no way you'd ever see each other again.
Then he messages you and tells you that he wishes you could be friends.
Well yeah. It's amazing. It makes me smile.

It made me smile just today.

Thank you, You.

Like Only A Woman Can

2009-04-21T12:50:00.002+08:00

I know I ought to be updating. But right now, some things are too private to state publicly. Yes, I'm a girl of many secrets. If you think you know me by just reading my blog, think again. I doubt that there are even 5 people out there who know me inside out. The funny thing is, I really want to be warmer with people. I just don't know how to. It's either we click, or we don't. And it sucks that it's as plain and simple as that.

Right now, I really wish I had my old friends around. I wish they knew what's been going on. I wish I could tell them how I feel. I wish I could share my secrets. As much as I hate airing out my dirty laundry, I guess sometimes I just have to. No one can do it alone.

I know there's that certain few people who I could run to for a heart to heart. But the fact is, I'm just too worn out to be bothered right now. It's not that things are bad here. It's just that it can be a little stressful. And until things start to go perfectly, it will continue to be stressful. And I really don't want to feel this way anymore. I just want to click restart and go back to 2004. Before anything bad ever happened.

You say you want me to have people I could talk to. But then everything has to be adjusted to your situation, your timing. Which leaves me with, no one to talk to but you. And that stresses you out. Don't you get that the cards are in your hands? The game is in your court? There isn't anything I could do to make it any better or worse. All that I do is wait. And I don't know how to just wait anymore.

I can't predict that things would be perfect. I don't know if we'll never fight again. I can't promise that love would remain the same. All I know is that I will always be here for you. No matter what happens, or how things change, I still know that you are the one. And for that reason solely, I would never walk out on you. Please stop trying to walk out on me.

And to Pineapple. I know you'd read this. Then you'd worry. Then you'd message or try to call me. Then you'd worry even more not being able to really contact me. So i'm just letting you know here that I'll be okay. I am okay. Just a little tired you know. I'm not running into a wall head on yet, I'm just standing still, waiting for the wall to not be there anymore. So that when it does come down, I can run right past it. Understand? XP

Jai Ho

2009-04-16T21:55:00.005+08:00

I really don't feel like updating anymore nowadays. Eventhough it's now that there are things to update on. Maybe once I'm back from KL.

Guest blog anyone? You know you can =)

The Fame

2009-04-15T12:47:00.000+08:00

My blog turned 1 today.
One whole year of blogging. And I didn't even notice that it's been that long.

Calling You

2009-04-10T13:54:00.004+08:00

You know I'm gonna be back permanently someday. The mystery's just when.

Stay tuned for more updates.

Love, hugs, kisses and all that other junk.

Sweat Your Perm Out

2009-04-09T23:08:00.004+08:00

My brother lost me today.

Lol. Complicated story. Might explain some other time.

That's the finished product! Haha.

Many more pictures to come, but silly here forgot her laptop charger. And now my laptop battery is almost kaput. I only had time to edit one picture and put it up. So, taddaa!! My baby brother's first tattoo! XD And my...well just say I already have a few.

Will put up all the pics once I'm back from my weekend "getaway".

Calle Ocho

2009-04-08T16:45:00.011+08:00

It's nice to be important.

But it's more important to be nice.

I don't feel like typing now.
So here are a few pictures that make me smile.
Well, two pictures. But they still make me happy.

I'm addicted to PCD's Jai Ho now.

That and Kat Deluna's Calling You.

And I wanna watch Fast & The Furious.

All of em. Coz I've never watched it before. At all.

Yes, gasp!

I'll be back soon. I promise.

Right Here

2009-04-05T18:07:00.004+08:00

Hello people!! =)

This is the weggie! A.k.a Chrissie Pereira. Im not on the wrong blog blogging, im guest blogging. Aint nothing wrong with that.

I really have no idea of what to blog. And woman doesn't reply my fb or my chatterbox thing.

Probably she duk manja-ing and sayang-ing u-know-who lah kan. Hmm. I'm quite sure she would be surprised that i guest blogged for her. I have been asked twice. But never really wanted to blog because my own big fat blog also i just tak peduli sometimes. Well yea, gotta get back on track and start blogging like usual. I've blogged today. *proudly said*

So yea, to the woman, my fatso, my hopefully-if-everything-go

es-well-future-sister-in-law.

Woman! Hope ur having a nice time there. And yes, please be surprised I blogged on ur blog which also means guest blogging. *saja wanna make u dizzy*

When u go online, can u pls like help me with photoshop ar? I'm using adobe photodeluxe home edition la. And it's like cant do much. I want like u punya. Syok gila babi ~~baby~~ wan lah.... Oh yea and I blogged. And I'm gonna start blogging more often lah.

So now I'm goin off. And so happy easter sister! Love u loads and miss u a lot!

Jayden Crooker / Courtney Jean

2009-04-03T23:15:00.004+08:00

Wow...... it really doesn't seem that long ago but it really has been a while.
It was some hard times we went through with all that happened.
To look back and see where we were then...... We had a good share of ups and downs and I think where we are now is good....... and I cant wait to see where we'll be in the near future.

Love You Baby and Happy 2 Years? =)

Circle Circle Dot Dot

2009-04-02T13:16:00.003+08:00

I'm headed back to the house today. He's coming over tomorrow. We're not doing anything big. And there's nothing special about this weekend except for the fact that he'll be here, solely for me. I've got a huge smile on my face now. And I just feel really happy. Wait. Happy does not describe it. Overjoyed maybe??

Heee... I'm so so excited!
*jumps up and down. and up and down again*

Boom Boom Pow

2009-04-01T21:07:00.003+08:00

Corntoz Pillow Fight
More than 60 countries are taking part this year.
Read more about it here : http://www.pillowfightday.com/
And yes, KL's having it too this year.
Click here for more info on it.
And here to join the event on facebook.

If I make it to KL on the 4th, I'd be sure to take part.
What's stopping you? Go on and have some fun this weekend.

I Like it Rough

2009-04-01T20:29:00.003+08:00

I hate the internet. Or wifi. Or my lappie. Whatever it is that's making it impossible for me to stay logged on to msn. Stupid whatever! I've been trying to get connected the past few days. And in the end, I'm left with no choice but to get on meebo. And the sucky part of being on meebo is that after chatting up a storm, my computer gets low on virtual memory and starts to hang. Then by it's own choice, shuts off my firefox. Damnit!!

Now Pineapple's got her internet back. Weggie needs to chat. And I can't friggin get on. I'm apologizing publicly here them and whoever it is that I've promised to chat with, for not being able to get on msn. Sorry la ha. If I knew how to fix the problem, I would. The problem (whatever it is), is so horrid that I haven't been able to upload pictures onto facebook as well.

Eeewww!! Dad's cooking prawns. Or fish. And the smell of it's rawness is making me queasy. Wait. Even the smell of the butter frying makes me wanna puke!! Eewww. I'd go out to the balcony if I could, but then I wouldn't be able to watch Idol now. I don't like the apartment anymore. There's no proper ventilation. Can die.

Oh and I think I'm addicted to yogurt. I've had like, 3 cups today itself. Okay, so maybe I know I'm addicted to yogurt. Haha. Well at least if I go on an all yogurt diet, I'll lose weight right? But I kinda need solid food as well. No? Tsk tsk. Diets are confusing. I'm confused. I'm gonna go now and try to get on msn. Or meebo. Or live messenger or something.

The fried fish smells like McD chips.
Oil. Eeeww.
And the spices are literally burning my eyes.

I wanna go out now la.
Watch a movie.
Confessions of a Shopaholic anyone??

Forgive Me

2009-04-01T02:01:00.005+08:00

..I update her blog.

Because I got MY CONNECTION BACK!!!

Woman'd been slightly "missing" from my life lately due to her drama practices and all that so here I am dropping a post telling her that I MISS HER LIKE GILABABICANDAI (wahaha :P).
And I posted my short haired pic over my blog already, so because I'm so darned lazy to link my page, just go to her sidebar and look for "pineapple". You shall find me there..and comment please and thank you? ;)

Oh woman, listen to Forgive Me by Leona Lewis. And the lyrics.
It spoke volumes..and the melody of the song makes me SO happy I don't know why.

Yes, indeed music heals your soul ;) (or mine, in that context).

Oh btw, um; are things good..as in good, good?
I am sure u get what I mean here, woman.

My, my.
I don't have a bikini, woman.
No, it's not random.
I'm also here to entrust u my blog (publicly :P) because I'm off to Redang.

Beach babeeee!!!
I wish for a time like this with you that I can PARTAY with you all night long!

Woman, after that night, I'm so resolved.
And I am HAPPY!
And I love you (:

♥ (this time in PINK lah ok?)
Pineapple (:

Come What May

2009-03-31T20:28:00.003+08:00

I haven't been getting enough rest.

And I'm in real dire need of sleep now.

But I can't fall asleep.

I wish my boyfriend was here to put his arms around me and make it all go away.

I miss you baby.

Love Games

2009-03-31T18:58:00.007+08:00

So, taddaaa!! That's the 2009 Dato Onn drama team. Minus my brother and I. And today, we went to battle. Lol. Well it wasn't really a battle, seeing as how our goal was more to not humiliate ourselves than to win it. I think it's been a constant Dato Onn motto to "aim to win next year". I've been so hyped up over it, that I've already started on my idea and script for next year's play. Simply because it's like the last year that I'm gonna be doing drama and I wanna put an end to the school's losing streak before stopping. Leave my mark you know. Haha.

For the past 4 years, I've done more or less the same thing. After I'm informed very last minutely about the drama, I fix the script completely. Then I show up to help with the acting. And on the actual day, I cover myself in make up and glitter, glamouring them up for the stage. It's become quite a routine. But I can't say I really mind. I've always loved drama and all the ups and downs that comes with it.

I'm already missing this morning. Although I hated the part of it where I had to wake up freaking early and take the bus to school!! I had to be there and unfortunately Ron had to wait for the car and come later. Curse public transport!!

My drama babies. Lol. Them messing around before the drama started. And guess what the girls did to my brother as revenge. Done guessing??

Haha. Well here's the award winning picture! =)
Coz a picture's worth a thousand words.

Love it? I do. I wouldn't give up my drama memories for well, almost anything.
And next year, we're so gonna win!

Reflection

2009-03-31T18:30:00.006+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates again people. I just really don't have an internet connection. So yeah. Unfortunately there won't be updates that often for the next few months.

So here's some of the stuff I did last week.

Hung out with Roy after about 2 years of not meeting. Went out to the mall and basically ended up sitting at McD for a few hours. Catching up on what's happened and reminiscing about the "good ol days".

Ah. The good ol' days. Those and the many many more.

Then, I went to KL. For like 2 days. And I didn't really do anything much there. Met up with Pineapple. Hung out a bit. Unfortunately if was the day before she got her Rihanna style haircut. So I haven't seen it yet. Pineapple, if you're reading this, upload some pictures fast k!

What You Waiting For

2009-03-22T17:27:00.000+08:00

I'm just one person.

Saving the earth, is something I just can't do.

Wrong.

Each of us has the power through our daily decisions and lifestyle choices to make our homes and communities more environmentally friendly, but our power doesn’t end there.

Certainly, trying to put an end to many of the problems that threaten the environment of the earth requires resources and influence far beyond any single individuals capability. Problems like oil spills, hazardous waste, loss of rain forests, endangered species, acid rain, the ozone layer, the municipal waste crisis can feel out of our control. More often than not, movements like those are left to the government.

Yet, because our government exists to serve the needs of their citizens, the way you live your life, the demands you and others around you make for changes to help sustain rather than destroy the environment, directly has an effect on those parties, their actions, and ultimately, the future of our very own planet.

So here are some things I've come across that you can do :

Avoid Fast Food
- Most fast food is over packaged and most fast-food companies are responsible for producing mountains of trash. By avoiding fast food whenever possible, you'll help reduce this needless waste.

Contribute to a Good Cause
- You don't have to contribute a lot of money. In fact, you don't have to contribute money at all. A local environmental group probably can use your and your friends' help in many ways. By volunteering for just a few hours a week, you'll be making a worthwhile contribution to the environment.

Boycott a Product
- Choose something that you feel is not good for the environment. Once you decide not to buy it, write a letter to the company (the address is often right on the package) and tell them why you have decided not to buy the product anymore. If lots of people did this, companies would start making more environmentally responsible products!

Eat Organic Produce
- Organic produce contains far fewer chemicals than other produce. It's probably better for your health, and it is definitely better for the environment. All those chemicals get washed off into rivers and streams, where they pollute our water. In addition, many of the chemicals are made from nonrenewable resources.

And if you find yourself not being able to do those things, here are a few simple ones that well, are so simple that they don't even need explanations.

- Turn off the lights.
- Use rechargeable batteries.
- Cut down packaging.
- Recycle everything.
- Use recycled things.
- Car pool to school/work.
- Don't leave the tap running.
- Stop using styrofoam.

We can help.

Over the last few decades, we have managed to come up with possibly every idea there is to conserve energy and natural resources. Many plans have been developed, discussed and even put into action. But when individuals start questioning the impact of their efforts, and choose to give up, all these plans and ideas remain exactly where there are. Being just plans and ideas.

It is my opinion that you can be most effective by choosing one or two specific problems to focus on. Don't try to do everything at once. You are not God. Pick a problem and learn as much about it as you can. Then do something about it. Start a group. Join an organization. Get involved. Progress does not happen by you sitting on your ass. Get started today.

Oh! And sign up for Earth Hour HERE.
Saturday, 28th March 2009.
8.30pm local time, wherever you are on the planet.

Move If You Wanna

2009-03-21T13:19:00.007+08:00

Finally! I'm back!

I know, y'all wanna know how the Camerons trip was right. The reason I haven't written a post on it is cause, there's nothing much to report on it. Lol.

I slept most of the way up so that I wouldn't throw up. And after about 2 hours of being in the cold weather up there, I got hit by a case of the really-annoying-blocked-nose-flu. The entire first day and most of the second day was split between sleeping and watching DVDs. I had my strawberries with whipped cream and all. But I felt too sick to do any visiting. So, no strawberry farm or tea plantation. Seriously, all the remaining strength I had was put into making sure I took breaths, before I dropped dead from forgetting to do so. I slept the whole way down as well, cause the road's the way it is and I really couldn't take it. But overall I guess I'd say that I still enjoyed the trip, coz it was in some ways, really relaxing. Totally stress and worry free. Exactly what I needed.

Haha and I guess you should then know by now, that I didn't really have the energy to take many pictures. Wish I did. But then again, I didn't have Pineapple with me to go all "Let's take pictures!" you know. Speaking of which, here's what I saw in my drafts when I got back to dad's place and logged on to my blogger.

"She's missing because apparently, someone's sick after Cameron Highlands. And ~~overdosing~~ having to fill herself with cough/flu medication, she is constantly drowsy.

So without shame and uh, hesitation in any sense (will I ever hesitate to intrude here...NO?), I'm intruding to update on behalf of her.. which isn't much updates, actually ; she's just resting, resting, and resting. And she's currently not in the mood to answer calls or anything, so please leave her alone. Thank you.

Okay, that's bullshit :P Oh well, I really don't know what to update"

Haha. Shows how much she understands me lah.
Coz that's exactly whats been going on here since I've gotten back. I've still been sick. And tired. And well, just not feeling very well. I wanted to get online to update my poor lil blog. But there's nothing much to update on.

The only time I went out in the past week was to go back to Dato Onn to have a look at the drama practice. I was really involved in the past years (with the exception of 2008, cause I was in KL) and I just wanted to go have a look-see. Being back there was really fun. And I realized how much I miss drama and being able to sit back and criticize stuff and knowing that I do make a difference in some ways. Haha. If any of that made sense.

I'm now back home with an assignment to fix up the script and play. Although the competition's less than 2 weeks away and we all know that there's no way Dato Onn would win, at least by fixing it up a little, we wouldn't totally make a fool out of ourselves. I include me in the 'we' cause I used to be in Convent (our competitor) but I'm gonna be going on the 31st as a Dato Onn supporter. If the play totally sucks then malu lah kan.

I guess that's about all I've got to update on so far. I'm looking forward to hanging out with Sofy the one week that she's back in Penang. And probably another random trip to KL to go see Pineapple. I've gotta admit. I sure do have a lot of fun hanging out with her. Even though we don't travel the world and stuff, we still have fun doing the crap we do. With a whole lot of it involving her oh-so-famous-by-now mirror.

Til next time...
Adios amigos!!

Chasing Cars

2009-03-21T10:01:00.001+08:00

♥ Tagged
♥ 10 things about the person who tagged you

1. She's Weggie. My Weggie. Yes, only I am allowed to call her that.
2. She calls me Fatso. Coz she like, thinks I'm fat.
3. She's my brother's gf. She makes that very very known.
4. She is also known as the little one. Coz she's tiny. And always will be.
5. She baked/made jelly/cooked/ with me when we were bored.
6. She's somewhere far far away. And doesn't chat with me anymore!
7. She'd probably read this and go "You don't chat with me also what"
8. She is one of my more prominent blog readers. Coz she leaves comments on my shoutbox. And makes her presence known. Unlike a lot of my other readers.
9. She likes a lot of stuff that I like. That's why we get along. And she's like, bitchy. Just like me too!
10. She's coming back in August!!!

♥ 10 things about Me

1. I blog. Lol.
2. I'm very lazy when it comes to trying to describe myself.
3. I think you should already know me well enough by now to not need me to make this list.
4. I'm still gonna complete this list anyways, coz I've got nothing better to do anyways.
5. I like music. And dancing. But I've recently stopped clubbing.
6. I'm 21 this year. It's a huge deal. I expect presents. Actual presents.
7. I've recently fallen in love with shopping all over again. I quit for a while, but now I need new stuff.
8. I'm independent when I have to be. But I love having people 'baby ' me. Just like Pineapple does.
9. I can be very secretive when I want to be. I lie very well too. You can only tell if you know me really well.
10. Simple things make me happy. Really. I'm actually really easily pleased.

♥ I tag

1. Weggie
2. Pineapple
3. Won
4. Esther
5. Steph

Miracle

2009-03-20T13:59:00.005+08:00

OMG!

*leaps into the effing air!*

Finally some access to blogger! Didn't have the internet til yesterday. And I still couldn't get onto blogger yesterday. Stupid celcom broadband! I have to put on the laptop and steal wifi just to update a little. I don't have my laptop charger so I'm gonna finish this really quickly before the battery runs out. But I'll update properly later when I get my charger.

Thanks for hanging in there. I know it's been a long wait.

Keep Breathing

2009-03-10T12:28:00.013+08:00

Heading to KL tomorrow. But I'm only gonna be there for a day this time.

Then it's off to Camerons for a nice relaxing getaway.

Fresh air. Little traffic.

Kicking back, watching dvds and having tons of strawberries with whipped cream.

And the best part? Getting to spend the whole holiday with the loved one. Really nothing else I could ask for.

Shall update whenever I can, but I'll be back with pictures on Monday.

Have a great weekend y'all!

Here in My Home

2009-03-09T05:28:00.002+08:00

Dear women.

To the one who gave me life, brought me up and saw me through all my rebelliousness.
Thank you. For always giving me the best you could in life and being ever so patient with me all these years. For teaching me what I had to learn. For waking me up on those impossible mornings for school. For having those awkward talks that I could have with no one else. For sharing my happiness of finding love and understanding the pain of losing it. For going through it all with me once more after that. For sharing all your make up and perfume and clothes and shoes so generously. For pushing me when I needed it. For scolding me when I had to learn. For forgiving me for the mistakes I made and for loving me unconditionally. You are on the top of my list because you are the one person that I'd never be able to replace. Thank you Mummy. From the bottom of my heart. I love you and miss you. Very much.

To the one who has taken care of me without expecting anything in return.
Thank you. For the many days when I've felt alone, that you were there to watch tv with me. Thank you for the trips out to buy me food that I love. For the random cash you'd pass me even though you needed it yourself. For caring so much. For never getting mad. For waiting up for me at night when I got back late. For waking up in the mornings to make sure I got up on time. For calling everyday just to make sure I was okay. Thank you Grandma. And even though I know you're never going to read this or truly understand how much I appreciate you, I'm typing this anyways. Coz I can't have a list dedicated to the women that matter to me, without you.

To the best friends who were there through my schooling years.
Thank you. For being true friends. For caring enough about me to tell me the hard truth, no matter how much it hurt. For letting me make the choices I made, and then being right there when I realised they were mistakes. For standing up for me. For the support and advice. And for the endless hours of happiness. Thank you J, S, C, H, Z, A. I would have been so much more miserable if I didn't have you bunch around to get me through those days.

To the one who has came and gone. And came and gone again. And again.
Thank you. For the times that you were there. For the nonsense that you did with me. For the first cigarette we had. For the late nights. For the sneaking out. For being my lookout on the many occasions we crazy climbed. For being my getaway. For getting in trouble coz of that. For being there those months that mattered. For teaching me about trust. Thank you Paris. Despite all the bad times we've had, I wouldn't give up those memories for anything. Or the tattoo either.

To the little one.
Thank you. For spending all that time with me. For killing the boredom. For the cooking, and baking, and dough making. For the trips to the CC. For the walk back from it. For the clubbing. And being my single friend, despite not being single. For the company on really boring days. For talking to me about boys when I needed to. For understanding how I felt about him. For knowing I never got over it. For helping me get back the one thing that mattered. For being the sister I always wish I had. Thank you Weggie. I shall say again, as I have said many times before. You will always be family.

To the loved one of my loved one's loved one.
Thank you. For understanding exactly how it feels. For being free to hang out, so it wouldn't be awkward. For letting me stay over. For the white top a whole year ago. For the interesting stories and never ending entertainment. Thank you Won. I know you're gonna be there for what's gonna feel like forever. Coz it's gonna be the four of us. Isn't it.

To the latest addition to my list of women that matter.
Thank you. For the talks on MSN. For the haha moments. For the inside jokes. For the fun crazy times. For being there and taking care of me. For the home away from home. For the cupcakes, pancakes, pasta, coco crunch and honey. For the clothes, shoes, make up, shampoo, soap, hairbrush, towel, bed, comforter. For the endless list that follows after that. For the late nights and early mornings. For the sneaking out and sneaking in. For the calls. For the time spent. For being the first person I know I could call when I needed to. And for answering those calls, no matter what time it was. Thank you Pineapple. I know that as time goes by, the list will only get longer. And I'm thanking you in advance now, for the ngehehe moments I'm sure we're gonna have in the future.

To the other wonderful women that have played a part in making my life amazing.
To the girls that have gone clubbing with me. To the teachers that have helped me learn. To the friends that grew up by my side. To the ex girlfriend. Thank you. And I'm sorry if I've forgotten to mention anyone. It is not that I underestimate the change every single individual brings to my life. But for now, I'm ending my list here.

I realise that my international women's day post comes a day too late. But it's because I've spent the day guest blogging for some of the wonderful women I've mentioned.

To the guys out there that mean a whole lot to me too. I love you all as well. But I'm sorry, today's just not your day. I guess you're just going to have to wait til November 19th.

-Thank You..

2009-03-08T19:43:00.006+08:00

...the post in my blog which's full of crap and how awesome you are is just plain ... obnoxious lah, right. You nonsense woman. Do you know that my blog is NOT hackable? You just came in and wrote a storm. How could you?! Even I don't do these kinda ssht. You ...you... *inserts angry sounds made*!!!!!

You know it's plain rubbish, right? XP
Since you titled my post as "rubbish", I'm going to throw horsepoo/crap/shit/rubbish here as well.
Right? XP

This woman came into my blog earlier and wrote a storm. With my pictures in them while conveniently stating how awesome she is , and what she does to her Pineapple (me, if you don't get it by now. Go see a doc. He might help you improve your reflexes- ..or not. Just kidding :P).

So anyway..I'm here in her blog with all gratefulness; because my sacrifices for her can never amount to what SHE does for me. If you know her well enough, you'd know she can be a HUGE ass bitch lah, right- and she has a million and one bitchirina attitude in her ; which she definitely DOESN'T mind showing if you strike a nerve in her *coughsomepeoplecough*.

This is my first time too, blogging with a blogger's block- because I don't know what to write.
I was about to write a post on how much I did for her, but as I was writing, I couldn't help but to erase them all- because like I said, what I did can NEVER amount to what she did for me. The travelling, the taking care of me, the ..EVERYTHING. All I did was basically spending time with her waking up in the wee hours of the morning and nothing more.

well- perhaps there're more, Mango; but I think what you did- physically, emotionally, intellectually for me 's the world, if compared to what I do for you. Yet being the soulmates we are, I know that you'd prolly chide me for comparing in the first place. Lol!

So here's a thank you post , my dear Mango; in all futility to find words to express how thankful I am to have you- because words can never sum it all up!

Thank you, woman;
- for being there when I needed a place to crumble onto;
- for the crazymadass drunk moment, and not slapping me. And taking care of me- and taking the crap from my parents;
- for the travelling all the way from north to south for me
- for putting up with my crap. my emotional rollercoaster nonsense..when I doubted our friendship. And overreacted.
- for making truth sink in a way or another.
- for sacrificing your sleeping hours for me and fruitcake ...
- for being YOU.

For all you've done, for all you're going to do;
woman you know you mean the world to me, and I love you!

Here ends this blogger's-block post I 've been trying to write for the past so many hours..
Woman you amazing.
Now I'm the one getting blogger's block.
Sheesh.

♥
Pineapple. apple. apple.apple. appleeee.

Beautiful Dirty Rich

2009-03-08T14:28:00.008+08:00

This post goes out to a wonderful girl.

One whom I've known closely for the past 6 years.

We've been through ups and downs. Have laughed and cried together. Seen each other at our best and worst. She's the one that I know I could always run to and share all my secrets with. And even though we don't meet that often anymore, it always feels like the good old times when I'm out with her.

Heck I even have a little reminder of her tattooed on me. If any of you have wondered what the numbers on my barcode stand for, the 0803 part is today's date. Her birthday.

That is us, exactly 2 years ago. On her 19th. She turns 21 today.

And I'd give anything to celebrate it with her.

Happy Birthday Sofy!

I heart you!

Boys Boys Boys

2009-03-07T21:41:00.005+08:00

sometimes perfect

can be the furthest thing from perfection

Say My Name

2009-03-06T04:42:00.013+08:00

Even though I came after cars, bikes and music...
He loves me! He loves me! He loves me!
*jumps around like a little kid*

Some parts of me want to never blog again. Just so I could open my page and simply stare at the post below this one. It makes me so happy knowing that he'd go to those lengths just to make me happy =) Especially coz he doesn't really do much typing. For anything. Everything seems so perfect now doesn't it?

It's taken quite some time and a lot of effort to get to this point. And even now I'm still unsure of how permanent things are gonna be. Sometimes I still worry. I still panic. I still cry.

But for the most part, I'm happy.
I honestly don't know if I was happier then when it was new and magical, or now coz I realise that it is, he is, the one person I want. It's different kinds of happiness ya'know. But who's complaining. At least I know I'm happy. And from now on, everytime that happiness seems to get hazy, I can just look back at the post below and get all giddy again!

*jumps around like a little kid again*

Despite the never-ending rollercoaster ride, I still wouldn't trade this for anything else in the world.

I know you're gonna read this. So I'm gonna state here that I love you.
Just in case you'd like a little reminder every now and then.

And thank you.
For knowing me so well.

Fields Of Gold

2009-03-06T00:41:00.005+08:00

Well its the first time I'm ever blogging in my entire life and I'm not really a computer kind of person so I'm only doing this for her!!! =)

I really don't know what to talk about so I'm just gonna tell u a little about my self....... I LOVE Cars, Love Bikes, Love Music and Love Her (trying to be a little corny =P)....... Wow, u know me sooo much already =P

Well there goes my blog virginity...... I'll do another post next time when I can really think of something to say.

Till Then =)

Canon in D

2009-03-05T22:43:00.001+08:00

My cousin got engaged today =)

She's the big cousin. So we're gonna try to make it for her wedding once we've received our save the date. By my guess, the wedding is most likely gonna be in UK. And all the relatives from that side of the world would probably be there. Family reunions always make me happy! I wouldn't wanna miss it for the world!

Move Shake Drop

2009-03-04T22:40:00.001+08:00

the GIRL is in the mood to shop!!

Yes, I'm a shop-a-holic. When I want to be. It's not like I have to all the time. But if you leave me in a mall, that's it. There's no stopping me from spending like mad. I think that's why sometimes I'd just rather stay home quietly and do nothing. Coz I always end up feeling bad for spending after I'm done shopping.

Take for example, my last trip to KL. Went to Lalaland with Pineapple, and we were supposed to basically look for some nose ring for her, but I ended up buying a shitload of bangles. And then on the way back from Lalaland, right before our transport came, I ended up doing more shopping. Without even planning to! It was more or less just a stop-over. Til I realised that my pay had been banked in and that was it. Lol. Pineapple would totally testify to my shopping madness. There really wasn't anything she could have done to stop me even if she wanted to. Not that she tried anyways.

Shopping makes me happy.

And me being happy makes her happy.

Therefore, shopping makes her happy.

So after that, I went back to Lalaland that night itself alone to kill time while waiting for banana, and I bought like this really cute top, and an awesome dress. Awesome coz it's purple, and I'm currently really liking purple.

Like duh right!!

That's not the end of it! The next day Pineapple and I went back to the same damned place with fruitcake. Everything was going well coz we were there so early that there weren't any shops opened yet. So we just spent our time in Starbucks. Which we all knew was mostly for Pineapple and Fruitcake. Coz I don't really wake up early, like ever.

That's how much I sayang you, tau. No matter how much you annoy me and stuff. XP

So yeah, as I was saying, everything was going well til Banana got there and we started to walk around. With all the shops opened then, what do I do? Go bangle crazy!! I know I don't need that many bangles. Just like I don't need that many pairs of earings when I can only wear 2 at a time. But I can shop if I want to right?? I knew I wasn't gonna be happy til I had like, all the colours of the rainbow. I wanna say I felt bad for the fruits that had to wait for me, but I know they love me. So I don't have to feel bad. Right? *smooches the fruits*

Eeeee...I wanna go back to KL and go back to Lalaland with Pineapple. So we can just walk around for like, hours! We still have to go ice skating. And well, do a lot more stuff!! I also wanna hang out with Won and Haire and go to Sunway Lagoon and Genting and KLIA. You both save up so we can go on my next trip there kay =)

And Pineapple, if you're reading this, (and I know you probably are) you suck! Move out! LOL!! I'm still waiting for the day where you're out and I can just crash with you and we can do whatever we wanna do, whenever we wanna do it. Yes, that means clubbing as well!! No excuses no more!!!

I shall stop my post here and go fix Pineapple's blog.

Ciao.

Day 'N' Nite

2009-03-04T12:45:00.011+08:00

I'm back home now. After a good 10 day holiday. Well it wasn't all good. But that'll be a story for another day. Yeah. Haven't been clubbing in almost a month with the exception of lounge III. But that totally doesn't count. Coz I barely spent any actual time inside.

I haven't been doing anything much here coz I've sorta been sick since I got back. I've had the worst migraine ever. And I have no idea what's causing it. Too lazy to go see the doctor. And too stubborn to take medicine. It'll go away by itself I guess.

Right now I have no mood to update. Or do anything at all.

I wanna go for a swim. But I have to walk all the way to the pool, which is at the other block. And like I just said, I have no mood to do anything.

Gah. I wanna fix things. But I don't even know what's wrong!!!

Ooh Aah

2009-03-01T00:54:00.004+08:00

HEY HEY !!

As you all notice, I've decided to make some changes.
I'm not completely done yet, but I hope to be soon.

Will finish up everything once I'm back home in Penang.
Too lazy to do photo editing now.

Updates soon =)
Lots of love!

Yeah Yeah!

2009-02-27T13:01:00.004+08:00

What I've been up to the past few days.
I've missed having pictures to put up.
Even though I know I already have too many picture posts. Hehe.

♥ Star Hill with Pineapple and Kayemm ♥

♥ Time Square with Pineapple, Banana and Fruitcake ♥
(but I'm only putting up pictures of Pineapple and I)

Okay.
Well that's about it for now.
There will be more pics coming in the near future.

Off to dreamland now.
If pineapple allows me to that is. Hehe.
Hugs, kisses and all that crap.

Poker Face

2009-02-23T23:27:00.005+08:00

The past few days have been hectic~

Well not in the I've got something to do every moment through the day kinda hectic. Just that most of the plans that were made were all rushed. That kinda hectic, geddit? Lol. Rush to the mall. Rush to go see friends. Rush back home. It's all good. Just that I wish it wasn't ALL so rushed ya'know. It'd be nice to chill a little and not worry. But hey, I don't really wanna complain. Hehe. Besides, I got to hang with won and the daphster.

Slept over at won's last night. Was there for her dad's 60th birthday party thing. Hehe. Quite interesting, seeing the older generation have so much fun gambling and playing mahjong. Kinda reminds me of how Chinese New Year used to be back in Taiping, many years ago. And then there was this thing about the fruit cake. Haha. But I don't wanna explain it here and all lah. So too bad I guess. You're so not cool in the first place coz you weren't there to experience it first hand. XP

So, anyone wanna take a guess at where I am now? I know I haven't stated where. But I'm just so obvious aren't I? xp

I actually have plans for tomorrow evening. Or a call from someone to confirm plans. Last minute again of course. But I'm not gonna go, coz as I said in the previous post. I don't do illegal anymore. Although the temptation of it is pretty...err...tempting. Lol. There's a reason why it's called an addiction. I suppose the best way to avoid going back to any of that is by staying as far away as I can get. Right?

So instead of that, I'm gonna be spending tomorrow at the daphster's place. Not sure what we have planned yet. But even if we (and by that I mean, I) spend the afternoon just sleeping in bed, and we don't go out at all. It's still gonna be all fun.

Coz we're just cool like that! xp

Change Style

2009-02-20T16:36:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I really wonder why I blog.

You have no idea how boring my life really is. I'm not complaining, coz i've got it pretty good.
But seriously. Could it BE anymore boring??
Now that I've stopped clubbing, really, what do I do?? I was so bored last week that I actually did house chores. On my own free will! I know right. Who would think that I would voluntarily do the laundry, dishes, cooking and house cleaning. Mind blowing!!

Thank heaven for my random trips to KL. Coz without em, I'd probably die of boredome back home. Is it bad when the internet starts to get boring? I stare at screen and surf so much that in the end, there isn't anything interesting left to do. People don't update their blogs that often, leaving me nothing to catch up on. Facebook is starting to get pointless. And youtube doesn't seem to load fast enough unfortunately.

I've been so bored today, that after hours of youtubing, I actually managed to find a link to Russell Peter's new red white and brown on Megavideo. Then I fiddled with the Ipod for an hour while waiting for The Hottie and the Nottie to load. And I don't even like Paris Hilton!!

I'm so so bored that I wanna work.
But I know the moment I start work again I'm gonna be kicking myself in the ass.
Coz I don't really enjoy doing work I don't like.
And it's not like I can snap my fingers and get a job I love right.

Oh and I just realised. I'm way overdue in the car license department. Sad case when I can't drive myself places right. I mean, I could. But it'd be illegally again. And Charissa does not do illegal. Anymore. Lol.

Okay. I'm gonna go back to watching Megavideo videos now. Woopee.

Dancing

2009-02-19T03:20:00.006+08:00

I miss you.
And how we used to hang out.

I miss the chats.
I miss the laughs.
I miss the sharing.

I miss the shopping.
And the baking too.

I miss the hours we spent in the CC.
The planning and screaming over games.
I miss walking back that night when he forgot to come.

But most of all, I miss you just being around.
Always there to kill the boredom with me.

I know we barely talk anymore nowadays.
But I haven't forgotten about you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEGGIE!!

You'll always be family.

Do You Know

2009-02-19T02:06:00.006+08:00

Haha. More abandoned tags. I'm posting while I still can. Before I don't get to use the internet anymore.

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
By the beach. Overlooking the wonderful sand and sea. Obviously not in Penang lah.

2. YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
I'm really most comfortable in a pair of shorts and a big T

3. FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Physical? Eyes. And lips. It matters how a guy kisses.

4. WHAT'S THE LAST CD THAT YOU BOUGHT?
Wow. This was ages ago. I'm quite sure it was the linkin park collaboration with jayZ. Yeah. After that I started downloading songs.

5. WHERE ARE YOUR FAVORITE PLACES TO BE?
Anywhere as long as I'm with him. Lol okay. I know, so corny right. Too bad.

6. WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
The clinic. A clinic. Any clinic. I hate them. More than anything else. More than hospitals. More than graveyards.

7. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED?
Haha. My neck and shoulders.

8. WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG BODY?
Strong in mind.

9. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING?
Haha. I don't wake in the morning. I go to sleep in the morning.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
The fridge. Everything's in there =)

11. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?
Stupidity. Lol.

12. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Drums. Although I doubt I'd ever get it right. My hands and feet do not coordinate that way.

13. FAVORITE COLOR?
Red. Hands down.

14. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
Sports car thank you =)

15. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
Not really.

16. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK ?
I don't know. I don't know if I know any children's book in the first place.

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Summer. Coz it's the only season we have here. Although I do enjoy snow =)

18. WHAT'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?
Washing dirty dishes. Not coz it's dirty. It's coz the smell nauseates me. I'd rather scrub the toilet. Really.

19. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I'd like to be able to time travel.

20. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
Do I really need to answer this one? I want something tribal for my next one.

21. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
Err..no!!

22. ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
It'd be one of my exes. But only in the way we used to talk.

23. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
It used to be Thursday. Ladies night ya'know. But now that I've stopped clubbing, I like my Saturdays.

24. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?
What car?

25. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Wow. This is a tough one! I love em both. It takes turns. Depending on my mood.

Once more, out of generosity, I'm not tagging. You can do it on you own free will. If you want to =)

I Don't Wanna Know

2009-02-18T22:15:00.007+08:00

Name : Charissa

Birthplace : Taiping, Perak
Birthday : 18th Sept
Where do you live now : Everywhere and nowhere
What do you do : Everything and nothing
What's your heritage : Lol. Can I say everything and nothing to this one too?
Single, Taken or Looking : Not taken. Not looking.

Now take three minutes and get in tune with yourself. If you can’t answer these questions about yourself in three minutes, you need a good dose of solitude. How will anyone else get to know you if you don’t know yourself?

What’s your favorite restaurant?
Right now, I'm liking Kenny Rogers. And their muffins. Especially their muffins.

Who has had the biggest influence on your life?
u-know-who

Which public figure do you most admire?
Oprah? Ellen? LOL. Nah. I'd say Angelina Jolie.

What is your favorite activity?
Bumming. Yeah. Relaxing. Anytime, anywhere. As long as I'm with someone I enjoy being with.

What’s your favorite book?
I don't really read anything in particular. But I enjoy girly books and real life stories. My book choice is very random.

Where do you most want to vacation?
Venice. I'd love to just walk around the place for days again.

What is your favorite food?
It really depends on my mood. Atm as I said, Kenny Rogers muffins are quite high on the list.

What do you dislike most about other people?
I think the thing that annoys me the most is when people don't speak English properly. Certain slangs are okay. But the local ones seem to get on my nerve real easily. That's a dislike right?

What do you wish you could change about yourself?
I really wish I had clear vision. I'm not stating a character of mine. Coz those are thing that I don't have to wish for to change.

Are you a Democrat or a Republican? Liberal or Conservative?
Would you think I'm stupid or ignorant if I said I didn't know.

What’s the most generous thing you have ever done?
I've given a lot of people. A lot of stuff. I think it's all at the same level.

If you won the lottery, what would be your first major expenditure?
Depends on the amount I've won really. It'd either be an iphone. Or a major shopping spree.

What are your three favorite bands/musicians?
I think I like certain genres of music. But no musicians specifically.

What would be your dream job?
To not work. Yup. I wanna be a stay at home wife and mother. Really.

What are you most cynical about?
Quite a lot of things really. I don't know what tops the list.

What is your primary talent?
I criticize well? Besides music I guess.

Death penalty: Pro or Con?
I'm against it. But I don't really know why.

What traits do you look for most in a person of the opposite sex?
Looks and personality. Both equally.

What traits do you know you can NOT live with?
I cannot be with someone who isn't romantic.

How good do you feel about your life now?
I think I've got it pretty good.

I'm not tagging. But you can do it if you want to.

Keep Breathing

2009-02-18T02:34:00.009+08:00

I love you ____________

That's where your name goes.

No matter how many times you hurt me.

No matter how much pain I feel, or tears I shed.

My heart is yours.

Not a little corner, or a crack or just some space in it.

It is yours.

I am yours.

For as long as you want me to be.

All that I know is I'm breathing...

All I can do is keep is keep breathing...

All we can do is keep breathing...

My Drink and My 2 Step

2009-02-17T23:03:00.005+08:00

Haha yeah. I'm flooding. I don't know exactly what to post about, but I'm posting anyways. Because I feel so bad for abandoning my blog. 8 whole days. More than a week! So know that this will not be the last post.

I'm back home now. But I'll be gone by Thursday again. Haha. I know. My life's awesome. Thank you =)

Live Your Life

2009-02-17T22:13:00.003+08:00

This is for the women out there that I hold close to my heart. You women know who you are =)

When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who upset you.

When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile, I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.

When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

When you are confused, I will try to use only little words.

When you are sick, Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall, I will laugh at your clumsiness, but I promise that I will always help you up.

Because I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for y'all. XOXO

Right Round

2009-02-17T20:46:00.007+08:00

TAGGED
About time for an update right?

1. The person who tagged you is
won

2. Your relationship with him/her is
my loved one's loved one's loved one. Geddit?

3. Your 5 impressions of him/her
she's nice, fun, hot, extremely blur and erm, short! hehe.

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you
freeing herself to hang out together so i'd have company as well =)

5. The most memorable thing he/she had said to you
bye Won. (saying that to us. hahah! remember that?)

6. If he/she become your lover you will
laugh like there's no 2moro. coz it'd be really ironic and funny.

7. If he/she become your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be
lol. yeah. hang on. i'm still laughing. xp

8. If he/she become your enemy, you will
laugh as well. i doubt it'd ever happen lah

9. If he/she become your enemy, the reason will be
probably coz she became my lover and then we broke up. so we became enemies. i know. LOL kan. hehe.

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is
hang out =)

11. Your overall impression of him/her is
she is quirky. and entertaining. hehe.

12. How you think people around you will feel about you?
well i know people think i'm bitchy. coz i dont say much to anyone. but really, its coz i'm shy.

13. The characters you love of yourself are
the fact that i love myself so much XP

14. On the contrary, the characters that you hate about yourself are
my occasional bitchiness

15. The most ideal person you want to be is
a better version of me? but still me lah.

16. For people who care and love you, say something to them.
hie? =)

17. Pass this test to 10 persons who you wished to know how they feel about you.
1. Won.
2. Daphne
3. Weggie
4. Wessley
5. Khiara
6. Steph
7. Adrian
8. Charis
9. Jesz
10. Essie

18. Who is no. 6 having relationship with?
lol. Amelie Mauresmo?

19. Is no. 9 a male or female?
female.

20. If no. 7 and no.10 together, is that a good thing?
haha errrr.....

21. What is no. 2 studying about?
currently, she's studying 'how to get over him'

22. When is the last time u had a chat with no. 3?
wow. it's been quite some time.

23. What kind of music band does no. 8 like?
i dont know. altho i know she plays the bass awesomely

24. Does no. 1 have any siblings?
nope.

25. Will you woo no. 3?
nah. my brother got to her first. lol!!

26. How about no. 7?
haha. been there, done that?

27. Is no. 4 single?
lol!! i doubt single's a word in his dictionary

28. What is the surname of no. 5?
Ave Maria. hehe.

29. What is the hobby of no. 10?
i know she enjoy's partying. hobby, i dont know lah

30. Does no. 5 and 9 get along well?
on and off i guess.

31. Where is no. 2 studying at?
at home XP

32. Talk something casually about no. 1
like I said, she's quirky and entertaining

33. Have you tried developing feelings for no. 6?
lol. no.

34. Where does no. 9 live at?
she goes everywhere.

35. What colour does not.4 like?
i dont know.

36. Are no. 5 and 1 best friends?
they dont know each other.

37. Is no. 7 the sexiest person in the world?
hahah. i'm sure at times he thinks he is.

38. What is no. 6 doing now?
i dont know.